 No Excuse for Nose Hair |
|
Because the new cats page somehow incited near riots of email (to my great surprise), I will now present a pictorial: A Cat and Her Milk Tab. Marley is having a love affair with the bathtub lately, hiding between the curtain and liner and walking on the edge and sleeping in it when it's nice and dry. But this morning, it was full of warm water and Whip Wash suds, and she fell in. And she was so dismayed that I gave her a milk bottle tab and soon she was dry and content.
::: I met Dawn for dinner Monday night. She was working in New Orleans so we met halfway at the Chile's at the outlet mall. How tacky, but how convenient. I ate my weight in chips and salsa. Dawn was as funny and sweet as I remember and we gashed a little and talked about JournalCon and her busted up foot. We went to Old Navy after we ate so I could look for a purse but had no luck. We did, however, ask the cashier to take a picture.  ::: My co-workers and I have been discussing last night's Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The straight married mother of two toddlers thinks that John was clearly gay. The gay 58-year-old man with the long-term partner handed us each an article he printed and insisted that John is simply a metrosexual. The gay man and I each admitted that we cried at the proposal and that John was already so hot that he clearly did not need a makeover but that we're glad that they gave him a pretend one anyway because we loved him and wanted to make out with him. The straight married woman said that no straight man wears tightie whities, but we argued that Carson bought him those so he could show off his nice basket, and the gay 58-year-old man exclaimed, "And he sure did!" THIS SHOW BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER, I AM TELLING YOU. I think it might be able to bring about world peace. This show continues to delight me on every possible level. I could watch Kyan demonstrate cologne application by saying, "Spray ... delay ... walk away!" one million more times and never tire of it. I LOVE how the queer-eyed guys congratulate each other personally when the straight guy masters something that one of them taught him, like lighting the candles or remembering to moisturize his hands or doing the Cary Grant jacket spin or measuring his sideburns with the tips of his index fingers or adjusting the lamp shade to the perfect tilt. I love how they all shit bricks with suspense and how proud they are of their subjects and have near-anxiety attacks when one of their instructions goes awry like when Butch wore jeans instead of slacks and Carson plotzed before calming down and reassuring himself, "It can work! It can work!" and how Kyan restrained himself when John brought out the hair dryer and how last night they clearly all wanted to jump John's bones more so than any of the other straight guys before him. I also love how they run everywhere they go and are the absolute embodiment of Cher Horowitz exclaiming, "Project!" I would like to quit my job and start watching this show for a living. On that note, I hated Boy Meets Boy. What a crock of shit this show is! First of all, Andra's name. Secondly, her posture. You are on national television wearing an ill-fitting strapless sundress, woman! Stand up straight! Thirdly, whereas Queer Eye is so fundamentally kind-hearted and and benevolent, Boy Meets Boy is downright hateful and mean-spirited. It's based on tricking a guy who, albeit clearly misguided in the attempt to find love on a reality television show, seems genuinely sweet and shy and open to the idea of finding Mr. Right. Only to ultimately find out that he is being completely hoodwinked by straight assholes who just want to win prize money! I am conflicted about this. Because even though the gay guys might also be doing it to further their own interests, at least there is the slim possibility that they want to meet someone, too. But I can't deal with these shows that are all based on lies, lies, lies! Why do we want to glorify lies, America! I hate it! GIVE ME THE FAB FIVE OR GIVE ME DEATH.
© Copyright 2003 elb |
|
