 Rambling |
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For lunch today I ate fried catfish, coleslaw, and mashed potatoes. How gross? Am I? It was free, though. Thank you, catfish farmers! I went to therapy this morning. Before that, I woke up at 4 a.m. and washed my hair. Then at 6 a.m. I went to Albertson's and bought snacks (thanks for the suggestions!) and drinks for the party. I found a large bottle of Ketel One in my freezer that S. bought for his best friend when her dad died but never gave her so I bought some orange juice, cranberry juice, and lemonade so we can make with the springtime drinks. I also bought Coke and Sprite and Ginger Ale. I haven't bought any beer and wine yet because the liquor store isn't open that early. I told people if they wanted anything special to drink to bring it themselves. Gracious hostess, that's me! My therapist thinks the party is a swell idea, by the way. I told her how my friend talked to S.'s best friend's mom recently and found out that S. didn't even show up for her wedding. The mom was displeased. My therapist seemed to take this as a sign that S. isn't willing to put himself in uncomfortable situations even for the sake of his best friend and asked me if I would attend my best friend's wedding right now even if I knew it would be painful and awkward and I said, "Of course I would." And she just looked at me in that wise therapist way. I couldn't think of much to say this week. I told her how I can't even fathom dating. And how I have no idea what he'll be doing tomorrow night and whom he'll spend it with. She said, "Perhaps he'll drink heavily." I laughed and said, "Perhaps," although I doubt it as he rarely drinks. But who knows? Who knows what in the name of God he will do? I'm certainly not capable of predicting his behavior. She advised me, "Don't get too drunk." I assured her I wouldn't, but who can say? I mean, who can even say? I have no idea how I'll feel tomorrow. None. No idea. I've been trying to distract myself from thinking about it. She said that was okay, and that I've been present with my feelings all along and that I should get through this weekend however I can, and to trust my instincts. I've been falling asleep with my Felicity DVDs this week. God, I love that show. It disturbs me on some level because of how much Scott Speedman reminds me of S. for some reason. Maybe it's the coloring, or the thick hair, or the soft-spoken mannerisms, not to mention the handsomeness. I try to ignore that and just enjoy the show. I watched the docuventary episode last night and laughed throughout even though I've seen it countless times. Scott Speedman is just gorgeous and so likeable. Perhaps J.J. Abrams could cast him as Vaughn's little brother on Alias! I totally think they could pass for brothers, and as a pair, their hotness could not be surpassed. I think my TV might explode, though, and I'm not sure I could take in the sensory overload of their combined beauty. I'm going out to dinner tonight with my dear friend and my friend's old boyfriend, mentioned at the beginning of this entry. Oh, and here. They dated around the time that S. and I first did. He and I both worked at camp in North Carolina one summer and both lived in Boulder the next summer. We've had a lot of great times together, and I can't wait to see him. We're meeting up with my friend later tonight, and I'm so glad that it's cool for us all to hang out and that they're getting along and are friends again, too. La, la, la. I'm just going to keep writing because I'm trying to pass time. I will never get sick of the song "When You Come Back Down" by Nickel Creek. NEVER. I think it was Toni who first told me about this song. Thanks, Toni. Also, Toni, come to the party if you want! Also, whatever happened to Fiona Apple? Also, don't tell my sister, because it's a surprise, but I totally bought Easy Cheese for the party. That's about all I can think of to say right now. Over and out.
© Copyright 2003 elb |
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