 The World Offers Itself to Your Imagination |
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Today I saw you being born.
Just minutes ago, I left you and your parents at the hospital, and I want to write these thoughts down now while it's still your birthday so none of them fade. I want to tell you how brave your parents were. Your mom stayed so calm and pushed so hard to bring you into the world. She never gave up. You were stubborn, just like your mom, and weren't intending to come out before you were good and ready. She got red in the face and a little out of breath and worked so hard and was so determined. She was strong, though, so I guess those prenatal water aerobics classes did the trick. Your dad stood by her the whole time, with one hand on her head and one on her leg, encouraging her and telling her how well she was doing and helping her to breathe. He had on khaki shorts and tennis shoes. There was a still calmness in the room. It wasn't anything like what you see on TV or in movies. Your mom never screamed at your dad that she hated him for doing this to her, and your dad never panicked or got spastic. They just talked and laughed softly with each other, and your dad always made sure your mom was okay and told her she was doing great and held up the Styrofoam cup of water and straw so she could rehydrate after pushing like a fiend. When it was almost time for you to be born, your dad said, "I told the nurses that I hope they see a lot of dads cry, because I know I will!" And sure enough, when you were born, he did. Tears were streaming down his face. After they quickly showed you to your mom and dad and they got a good look at you while your mom still had her oxygen mask on to help her breathe, they brought you over to a little table where they cleaned you off and suctioned some gunk out of your lungs and nose, put some antibiotics in your eyes, gave you a vitamin K shot, tested your blood sugar, took your footprints, and weighed you. The nurse was very gentle with you. You weighed 7 pounds, 6.1 ounces, and measured 20.5 inches. Someone made a comment about your being tall, and your dad said proudly that his dad is 6'6". While the nurses were taking care of you, your mom was lying still and calmly in the bed while the doctor fixed her up after having you. She was always looking for you and towards you and asking if you were alright even though she was clearly really damn tired. Your dad would travel from her bed to your table, back and forth, checking on both of you. He kept asking over and over, "She looks good, though, doesn't she? She looks good?" to the nurse and the nurse kept reassuring him that you looked great. He kissed your mom on her head. He noticed that you were fuzzy, and when you let out a little cry after being suctioned, he said, "She sounds like Jackson!" (The cat.) Your dad held you once they wrapped you up in a blanket as your mom lay smiling in a zen-like manner while the doctor worked on her. He sang your name to you and cried when he called his best friend and said, "I've got a little girl, man! I've got a little girl!" And your mom's face crumpled and she cried a little, too, but in a happy way. You had lots of blondish brown hair, and the doctor said your eyes would stay slate gray for a couple of weeks until settling on their color. Soon it was time for you to nurse for the first time, and your mom made a face, like, "Holy CRAP that hurts!" but soon it was okay and you did a great job. The nurse said that your mouth should be like a bird in drawings that little kids do of birds. All of the nurses were really nice, and you could that tell they thought you were doing really well. By this time, you had turned pink like a strawberry, and nobody could stop talking about your big pink lips. We said you were as red as a strawberry margarita and your mom said she couldn't wait to have one of those. You looked very healthy and alive from the beginning, if a little put out by all of the commotion. The doctor said I should stay in the room for now, because if I went out into the waiting area, the family would bombard me for the information, and it was news they should hear from your parents, so I tried to make myself invisible. I went into the bathroom to give your parents and you some privacy while you were nursing, and I called your mom's best friend in Nashville, who promptly burst into tears and announced, "I am fully weeping!" She talked to your parents for a minute and was so excited to know that you were all okay. When it was time for the rest of the family to come in, I kept taking pictures and tried to stay out of the way. You were surrounded with so much love as everyone circled your bed: your mom's parents, your dad's parents, your aunt and her boyfriend, your great-grandmother, your grandmother's boyfriend, and your grandfather's wife. They all stood around you while your mom held you and were so proud of you already. Your great-grandmother touched you so gently and smiled so happily. Everyone commented on your lips and the dimple in your chin. Soon your great-aunts got there, and it was just a big lovefest. Your mom's mom, your grandmother, was especially relieved that her own daughter and her daughter's new daughter (you) were both okay. I don't know if I've ever seen such a happy group of people in my entire life. Your parents were taking such good care of you from the second that you were born. After waiting for you for so long, it must have been somewhat surreal that you were finally here. I couldn't even believe I was standing in a room with your parents watching you be born. Many years ago, I was standing in a very stinky, smoky bar on New Year's Eve and I saw their first kiss as the clock struck midnight. Now I was seeing them see their first kid for the first time. It was all a bit much, but in a good way. I could tell from the first moment I saw you, as you took your first breath, that you are going to be a special person who is going to have an interesting life. I hope it will be a good life. I know that with as many people who gathered around you in that room today and all those still waiting to meet you, you will be surrounded by love. I want you to know that if you ever need anything, I'll be here, and how proud I am to have seen you being born. By the time you're old enough to understand this letter, life might have already gotten tough, and boys or girls or both might have broken your heart, or if they haven't, they will, but just know that you'll be okay. And no matter how mad you get at your parents, just know how happy they were the day you were born and how fiercely they loved you right from the start. I'm sorry in advance if your mom and I throw drinks on each other in your presence or if you learn any curse words from me and go to kindergarten with a dirty mouth. You are so special, and you are so loved. You are so lucky to have your parents who watched their dream come true today in you. It was really quite something. I think you might be a miracle. And seeing a miracle makes me hope that there might be hope for the world after all. I think the world is already better because you're here. 
© Copyright 2004 elb |
You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
Mary Oliver |
